Don't Patronize Me Sir...This Is A Library

Sitting here at my desk I often get to watching the people stroll past. I am but a moment in their respective lives. For some I am a part of their daily routine, every night around the same time strolling up to the desk with an armful of educational materials. Idle chit-chat ensues.
"Hey...how's things?"
"Oh decent....and you?"
"I'll survive I suppose."
"Thats good."
All the while I sit behind my desk, eyes darting back and forth from my patron (that's what we call them in the library business...not customers, patrons) to my computer screen, avoiding more than a few seconds of direct eye contact. It can get to be a bit much.

Then there are those that wander in appearing dazed and intimidated by such a collection of actual facts and information. Bleary eyed and slow they wander in, lingering about in the area in front of my desk, to the stairs, visually scanning up and down, up and down.
After about fifteen minutes of this I usually brace myself for the worst. Sometimes I am forced to speak with these individuals. This patron is fairly easy to spot and thus I am, more often than not, prepared for any inane question regarding the location of the comic books (which we do not have) or the location of the nearest vending machine. Said patron usually plans on purchasing a package of Cheesy Doritoes and an Orange soda and sitting just within my sight to slurp and crunch away, all the while getting cheesy crumbles on the libraries copy of The Communist Manifesto and "Vegan Monthly". Naturally I point this individual in the direction that most hinders their quest for said refreshments. No, not because I hate stoner fucks. No, not because I hate dirty vegan hippies. (Although now that the subject has been raised....damn I hate dirty vegans....hippies are cool enough but...)
You may think it is because I am just a mean spirited bastard. You'd think so...but You'd be wrong.
I point this person in the wrong direction because.....well....no it's because I'm a mean bastard. But don't be that guy. Come to the library with a thirst for knowledge. Come with a burning desire to tear through books like some kind of worm that tears through books.
I just get tired of dealing with people that a) think I'm their best buddy because I suggested a book that would compliment their reading choices, or b) come into the library with no idea how to look up a book or even what type of book they need. I will address these issues individually:

A) I am not your friend just because I reccommend reading to you. I work in a library...thats what I do. A stripper is not your lover just because grinds your crotch into a bruised mass beneath your jeans. They guy at the library is not your new best friend just because he suggested a book you might like. I have friends...I don't need more.

B) We are in college. I should not have to show you how to use the card catalogue. As a matter of fact, if by this point you cannot research a paper without someone walking you through step by fucking step, it is because you made the choice not to learn it in every English class you were forced to take from 3rd grade until the present. You must now languish in your ingorance...you will get no help / sympathy from me. May God have mercy on your pathetic souls.

Anyways....I think I got off topic....topic?