Daddy: You Really Missed It All.

You gave me a name
That left handed smile
The girls always did like...

I gave you a good-night kiss
The way your cheek scratched
Cologne from that green plastic bottle

Brute

Your boots seemed so huge
Typical Father colossus
Brown, caked with Red clay

So many times, so many
Birthday-cake/Bennies
Teardrops or Balloons?

Missing

some people might have a clue as to what I am doing here... he doesn't.

one more i suppose.......

Somber Occasion, one more, one more
A father sits and wonders
Twenty one years, one more, one more
The boy who carries the Name
Estranged, Alone, one more, one more
The mountains may swallow his tears
Solitude, Solace, one more, one more
Country roads can't take them home again
Wonder, Wonder, one more, one more


well. I made it. I survived to official adult status, 21 years. My dad never did call. I miss him. I say often times that I am over it, that it doesn't bother me, that I don't cry over him anymore. I lie.....i carry his name, 2 of them. I have his face. I have his smile. I have his nose, ears, mouth, hair-line. I can't forget. I try. I try. I try. I want to. I NEED to. It's killing me. It's the reason I grind my teeth. Its the reason I love cigarrettes. It's the reason. HE's the reason. I'm the reason. I am him. I just wish he would call. I wish he would call me and just say sorry. I don't want to make small talk. I want to hear the word sorry and then sit there, on the phone, silent, me and him, TOGETHER, not talking, just knowing.